Three Plus One

Michael is going to have a brother.

Or a sister.

Well, in his mind it’s a brother, anyway. There’s no way to tell, of course, but he would like a brother to play with and talk and share secrets about mom and dad and the neighbours. But, think about it, how long would it take? Obviously he’ll first have to grow up a bit. At two or three you’re not really able to do anything interesting. It will take a while.

He looks at mom. He tries to look at her belly, he has seen pregnant women before. That’s how you recognize them. But he can’t really see anything strange, she looks normal as ever, and anyway with the coat and everything you can’t really tell, it’s meaningless.

-You are going to have a little brother or a little sister, Michael –mom and dad told him, just like that. They were smiling and looked at him with that expression they use when they have bought you something and they know you’ll like it. And then, as if nothing had just happened, they told him to get dressed so they could go and watch Laurel and Hardy together.

Wait a minute. Does Michael have a say in all of this?

They decided to have another baby. Right. Michael realizes that mom and dad do not necessarily have to ask him if he wants a little brother, too, before making plans. It would certainly be very nice, but they don’t have to. Maybe it’s just a question of protocol, parents are not supposed to talk about that with their children. He would like a brother, ok. But that’s just coincidence. How could they know it would have been a nice surprise for him?

-Hurry up young chap, we’ll be late! –dad puts his arm across Michael’s shoulders. He’s still smiling. They have definitely taken the good news as an opportunity to celebrate together. So let’s go to the cinema, just like that.

Michael likes Laurel and Hardy, though. He has seen them in a movie last year. It was funny. What was the title? He can’t remember.

It will take so long, anyway. Mom said the brother will not arrive before November. Six months. It’s a lot of time.

-This is a talkie, Mike. You’ll love it, won’t you?

-Yes, dad, I really think I will. –He likes dad. He always looks for the funny side of things. He’s never worried. That’s a good way to live your life, if you ask Michael.

-And I bet you want popcorn, as well –dad continues with a strange air of complicity, looking at him and half-smiling while averting mom’s gaze.

That’s a really safe bet, anyway. Michael always wants popcorn.

-Take this –dad gives a coin to Michael- and buy a ten pence bag. You’ve become old enough to queue and buy things alone, Mike.

A ten pence bag, all for him? Wow, they are happy tonight.

While he’s eating his popcorn sitting in his chair, Michael thinks that the movie is probably going to be good. Laurel and Hardy in a talkie. That’s fun. He wonders how will their voices sound like. Hardy is big and fat and Laurel is so thin and has that strange expression on his face when he talks. Hearing them talk to each other will probably be hilarious. It’s only a pity this is a short movie. Buster Keaton’s movie was longer.

He might talk about his little brother –he really hopes it will be a boy now– with Jimmy. Michael is not sure he is allowed to, he doesn’t know whether people should talk about this stuff. You know, new children and births and moms getting pregnant even though you can’t really tell yet. Is that bad manners? Michael has a feeling mom would get angry with him if he talked about this in public.

But Hardy sounds like Hardy and Laurel sounds exactly how Laurel should sound. That is great.

-Dad, have you heard them? Their voices are exactly how I imagined them to be! Aren’t you thinking the same?

-Shh, be quiet –dad says, but he doesn’t sound upset. –Yes Mike, I think you’re right. And it’s even funnier now that you can hear them talk!

Michael is about to ask mom the same thing, but he suddenly changes his mind. That might really cause too much noise, mom is one seat away from him. Michael observes her for one second. She is there looking at the screen, still and without saying a word. She’s smiling but she doesn’t seem to be particularly chatty tonight.

Everybody is laughing now. Darn, Michael missed the joke. He looks back at the screen and Hardy’s wife is yelling at both him and Laurel for some reason. She looks so upset. And she’s not beautiful, in addition to being a harpy. Mom is such a beautiful woman, Michael thinks. And she actually is, not like those children who say that their moms are so nice but then you look at them and they’re not nice at all, they are fat or short or have an ugly face. That’s a good thing. Michael’s mom is beautiful and he likes it. He feels lucky.

Unaccustomed as we are. What a bad title. What does that even mean? It sounds like it’s trying to be smart, to suggest something to the moviegoers so that they might get the joke or the reference and feel smart, too. It’s a comedy, people are supposed to laugh and have a good time. Michael does not like those pretentious, sophisticated titles. You have to keep it simple, so that people will know what they are going to watch.

Leave ‘em laughing. That was the title of the other Laurel and Hardy movie he saw. Much better title.

The police officer in the movie is so threatening. Boy, he is big. If he knew about his wife... and Hardy looks so frightened! That’s brilliant. Michael is laughing a lot now. That’s just about the funniest thing he has seen the whole year.

It’s not that he didn’t like Buster Keaton. The Cameraman was really good. You did laugh quite a lot in some scenes. But Laurel and Hardy are just funnier. Michael is holding his stomach laughing now. Mom asks him to control himself a bit, and even dad tells him not to disturb the other people in the room. He takes Michael by his waist and positions him back on the chair, his shoulders firmly against the seatback. What’s the point of this? Why taking him to see a really funny movie, and then asking him to restrain himself when the movie makes him laugh? Michael would have been angry with his parents hadn’t he been so amused by those two guys on the screen.

Laurel and Hardy. Maybe Michael and his brother will become like them, and have fun together. But no. Michael will never be that fat.

While Laurel falls down the stairs hitting every single step and everybody laughs vociferously (perhaps their mothers never told them to be quiet while watching movies), Michael thinks that if he can’t decide when and how mom will have a new baby, he should at least make his voice heard.

He keeps the ticket in his pocket while he’s leaving the theatre. He wants to collect them. He already has another one. If only they went to the movies more frequently! Once a week would be just perfect. Imagine all the tickets of all the best movies in the box under his bed.

-Mom –he calls, with a firm voice.

-What’s up, Mike? Didn’t you like the movie? –she asks smiling.

Yes, yes, of course he liked it. That’s not the point. Why can’t they never guess when Michael wants to be serious and solemn?

-I want to ask something.

Well, he doesn’t know whether this will sound stupid, but he has to ask. This baby thing will influence his life quite a lot. You can’t have a baby and pretends nothing changed!

-I mean, this thing you were telling me about… the fact that you will have a baby. –He says it quickly, lest something might hear them. He’s still not sure this is something that can be talked about in public.

-Yes. –She stops, dad is some steps away from them. –Tell me, Mike –and she lowers herself to Michael’s level.

-I know you and dad have already decided… but… can I ask you something? I want you to do something for me.

-What’s the problem, Mike? –mom seems a bit worried now, she is even more beautiful. Michael looks at her in the eyes.

-Promise me it will be a boy. Promise! I want a little brother. Sisters are such a drag!

Davide